What to do when someone dies: a 15-step checklist

If you are reading this in the first 48 hours, please stop and breathe. You have the time. There is almost nothing on this list that has to be done today.

Below is the checklist I wish someone had handed me in March 2023, when my mother died at home in Ohio with her hospice nurse holding one of her hands and me holding the other. I will give it to you in the order it actually unfolds, not the order most websites pretend it does. Print it if it helps. Bookmark it if you would rather not.

In the first hour

1. Call the right number for where they are.

If they died at home and were enrolled in hospice, call the hospice line. They will come, pronounce death, and handle the very first steps including notifying the funeral home you chose. If they died at home and were not in hospice, call 911. Paramedics will pronounce death and notify the medical examiner. If they died in a hospital, the staff handles it; you do not need to call anyone.

This is the only call that has to happen now.

2. Ask one person to come over.

Not five. One. Someone who will sit with you and not require entertaining. The clock can be slow for hours after a death, and being alone in it is harder than it sounds.

3. Eat something. Drink water.

I know. Do it anyway.

In the first 24 hours

4. Pick a funeral home or direct cremation provider.

The hospital or hospice will ask which provider they should release the body to. You do not have to use the one they suggest. The body will keep in their refrigeration for a day or two while you decide.

If your person left no instructions, call two or three places and ask for their General Price List. They are required by federal law (the FTC Funeral Rule, since 1984) to give it to you, by phone or email if you ask. Direct cremation runs $895–$2,500. Cremation with a service runs $2,500–$5,500. Traditional burial with the works runs $10,000–$15,000 once you add the plot and headstone.

We have a longer guide at /guides/cremation-cost if you want to understand the price spread before you commit.

5. Order 10 to 15 certified copies of the death certificate.

You will need them. Each one is $15–$25. The funeral home usually orders them for you. Banks, brokerages, life insurance companies, the IRS, the DMV, the Social Security Administration: they all want a certified copy on file. Photocopies are not accepted by most institutions. Get more than you think.

6. Notify the immediate circle.

Spouse, children, parents, siblings, very close friends. Phone, not text. Anything wider than that (extended family, work, neighbours) can wait a day or two. There is a long-running custom of overcommunicating in the first 24 hours. You do not have to.

In the first week

7. Find the will, the life insurance policies, and the password to their phone.

In that order. The will tells you who has legal authority. Life insurance policies pay quickly (sometimes within five business days) and help with cash flow. The phone gets you into accounts, contacts, photos, two-factor codes. If you cannot get into the phone, the laptop is the next best thing. After that, paper bank statements.

A note on the phone: Apple’s Legacy Contact and Google’s Inactive Account Manager let you bequeath digital access in advance. If your person did not set those up, you will need court paperwork to get into the iCloud account. Plan for weeks, not days.

8. Notify Social Security, the bank, and the credit bureaus.

Social Security: usually the funeral home does this for you, but verify. The deceased’s monthly benefit ends in the month of death. A surviving spouse may be entitled to a one-time $255 lump-sum death payment, plus possibly survivor benefits depending on circumstances.

The bank: walk in with a death certificate. Joint accounts re-title to the survivor. Sole accounts freeze pending probate. Payable-On-Death (POD) accounts pay to the named beneficiary within a week.

The credit bureaus: send a copy of the death certificate to all three (Equifax, Experian, TransUnion) and ask them to flag the file as “deceased”. This prevents identity theft, which is depressingly common in the months after a death.

9. Write the obituary if you want one.

Not required. Some families do, some don’t. If you do, the funeral home usually places it in local newspapers and online for $100–$400 depending on length. Online-only obituary sites (Legacy.com, Ever Loved) are free. Write it yourself if you can. Outsourced obits read like outsourced obits.

10. Plan a service, or don’t.

Same rule as the obituary. There is no requirement. If you want to gather, you do not have to do it within a week. People assume otherwise. Memorial services held two months after death are common and often more meaningful than a rushed three-day-after-death gathering, because the family is no longer in shock.

In the first month

11. Open probate, or find out you don’t have to.

Every state has a small-estate threshold below which formal probate is not required. Texas: $75k. California: $184,500 (2024). New York: $50k. Ohio: $35,000 with simplified procedures. If the estate is below that and there is no real estate, you may be able to handle it with a “small estate affidavit”, which costs nothing and takes a week.

If formal probate is required, the executor named in the will files at the county probate court. Filing fees are $200–$500. The whole process usually takes 6–18 months, sometimes longer in California or Florida. An attorney is not legally required but is genuinely useful: flat fees of $1,500–$5,000 for typical estates, or hourly $200–$500 in metro areas.

12. Pause on debts.

Do not pay anything that arrives in the mail until you have spoken to a probate attorney or a senior member of your state bar’s lawyer referral service. Some debts die with the person. Others (mortgages, taxes, certain medical debts) are claims against the estate and must be settled in a specific order. Paying the wrong creditor first can leave you personally liable. The rule is: keep them in a folder, do not pay, do not ignore.

Credit-card debt: if your person was the only signer, the debt typically dies with them. The estate may be on the hook if there are assets, but you, personally, are not, unless you co-signed.

13. File the final tax return.

There is a final personal tax return for the year of death (Form 1040 or 1040-SR with “DECEASED” written across the top). The estate may need its own return (Form 1041) if it earned more than $600 of income during probate. A CPA who has done estate work before charges $300–$1,200. Worth every dollar.

14. Cancel and consolidate.

Subscriptions, utilities, the phone line, the gym membership. There is no rush. Most companies will refund a partial month if you provide a death certificate. Some will not, and that is the kind of injustice that does not deserve a fight in your first month.

15. Take care of yourself.

Grief is not a checklist. It does not stay in the box you build for it.

The most reliable observation I can pass on, three years after my mom: month two is harder than month one. The casseroles stop, the cards stop, and the silence comes in. If you have any history with depression, see a therapist now, before you need one. If you do not, see one anyway. Your hospice (if your person was in hospice) includes up to 13 months of free bereavement counseling for family members; call them and ask, even if some weeks have passed. Outside of hospice, support groups through The Compassionate Friends, Soaring Spirits, or your local hospital are usually free. Therapy is paid but covered by most health insurance.

You will be okay. Not soon. But.

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What this guide gets wrong

A few honest limits.

I have written this from a US perspective, mostly with a Midwest and Northeast frame. Probate rules in California, Florida, Louisiana, and the community-property states differ enough that you should consult a state-specific attorney, not this list. Veterans’ benefits (the VA pays funeral and burial benefits for many veterans, often $300–$2,000) deserve their own page; I have not done it justice here. Practices in observant Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, and indigenous traditions vary substantially; if your family follows a tradition, work with a funeral home that has done it before.

I also did not write about miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. The administrative path looks similar but the rest of it does not, and that page deserves a different writer.

If you find a mistake in this guide, email hello@lovingplan.com. I read every one.